An Ode To You, Dear Ones

“The place changes and goes, like a wind, like clouds…” so does the song say. I’ve been here forever when I was a kid and now that I’m a bit grown up, I endlessly look for this one place that will make my heart melt away. Now that I’m here again, take me away. I… didn’t want to see it like this. Not anymore. Please stop.

A town is like a family. No, scrap that. A town is a family. My family. Every single one of them – Aunt Irene, Grandma Lauren, Sabeen, my childhood friend. I can go on but.. it’s not going to help me stay upright on my two feet. Each and every one of them, I would have wanted to say “Thank you. I’ve done nothing for you but you make me feel like I’m home everywhere.” You see, home is not a place, but a state of mind, a feeling.

I had to leave. You all knew that my single parent was in dire need of help, but I couldn’t let you guys do all the work for me. I needed to be strong myself. I needed to let you all know that I can handle it. That I’m grown up. That I can be independent. And that once all is said and done, you’d all be proud of me. For that is what I want to be – someone you can be proud of. Because I lived in a family of selfless people. My dreams.. They were your dreams too, weren’t they? You see, family is not people with the same blood as yours, but a state of mind, a feeling.

And I did. I found a community outside. People, company, friends, more loved ones. It was a great feeling. Happiness, tragedy, fear – they were all mixed up in a way I wouldn’t have thought out to be. It was inexplicable to me at first, but you all knew these things right? But somewhere, somehow, I still longed for that certain warmth. And then you look at the birds – they have wings – freedom to go wherever they want to go. Then sometimes, you get frustrated how they always come back at the same exact spot when there’s too much of the world to look at.

I didn’t understand that at first. But I do now.

They wanted to be back home right? Back to their family? I wonder how it felt like living in the air? Because then, there would be no earthquakes to shatter everyone’s homes, no tsunamis to take the lives of everyone you love, shattering your heart. This isn’t a scene of my home… This.. is just.. fantasy… Please tell me.. This isn’t true… Somebody wake me up!!! Please!!! I’m.. begging you..

“The place changes and goes, like a wind, like clouds… like the traces of the heart”.

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