He tries to collect all the thoughts that has been circling around his mind for the past few weeks. Even the attempt of doing so makes him want to puke. It is all too many for him. He is not yet prepared for these kinds of things. Preparing for the big stage is not a part of the plan. Well, at least not yet.
In the coming days, it will be another typical busy week – not necessarily in the physical sense. What hurts him more is the mental side of it. Always, he would tend to think of a world he only knows – where there is only peace, serenity, and wide, wide plains of grass covering the Earth, and the only things that his eye can see are the towering mountains, the migrating birds, the fluffy groups of clouds, and the green carpet that he always wanted to lie on. He would like to go there. Alone. And as soon as possible. Even though in reality, he has lots of other, more important things to do, he would not start on any of it today. Absolutely not. That’s why he decided to escape the four corners of his home and feel the nature. He may not be that close to Mother Earth, but he certainly feels her. Everyday.
He started walking on the streets of the place he referred to as home for the past four years or so. He’s been there, but never in this manner. Time started ticking slowly, or maybe he walked at a slower pace than usual. Either way, he notices the tiniest details of the sky, of the road, and of the numerous people passing by, going the opposite direction as his. The sky is something to behold with. It was a masterpiece nobody even cares to pay attention to. At times during his walk, he would like to stop and just stare at the gift above. Or maybe grab a chair, place it in the sidewalks, sit there, and again, stare. But that wouldn’t be possible. He then started walking even more slowly. It is certainly pleasurable – to feel the nostalgic and cold chill of the wind against his face and his skin. The ideal day perhaps?
He stopped by the donut shop to grab a bite, but alas, it was closed. So he just bought a coffee from the nearby convenience store.
During his walk, he was interrupted by a record five vehicles either parking or leaving the parking space. He knew something is about to happen.
After buying the coffee, he initially wanted to walk straight back home. But hearing the school beat during an official football match, which is just across the coffee shop, he decided to watch it until it ends. He arrives at the playing grounds with his school team down two goals to one against their fiercest rivals. Not long after, possibly about two minutes later, the opponent scored once more. It wasn’t the start he was hoping for. The host goalkeeper then tried to rush and tackle the advancing threat, but failed miserably, resulting in another goal for the away side. Then, a wonderfully placed shot was enough to rout the home side, 5-1. It was not the result he wished, and it was the first game of the competition too!
In himself, it was a great piece of entertainment after trying to calm himself down. He continued on his path back home, all the while thinking about what really lies ahead of him. He once heard in a seminar he attended, “If you are searching for the road to your future, there is none. Your footsteps are the ones who will create them.” It was all too unclear for him. How can it not be laid down for you. The future is already written isn’t it? That’s what he thought. But he himself hated movies with very predictable endings. It’s the twist, the surprise that makes a story intriguing and worth spending the time. Maybe perhaps, a life unknown ahead of you is much more exciting than what he initially thought to be?
He is now in front of his home – just a few steps away. But he is still hesitant to open it. Anxious and depressed, he eventually turned the knob and opened the door, only to grab the nearest chair, lift it, place it just outside the four corners of the room, and sit for the next fifteen minutes, just staring at the trees, at the sky, at the leaves, at the people passing by with a definite location to go to. He wants answers. He demands them. He eagerly wants to know. But he knows, it wouldn’t be spoonfed to him. It will cost him a big price. And that is time.
In a short span of time, he finally met himself again. He has been paying attention to a whole lot of things lately, most of which are still unknown to him. It is during these times when he can finally talk with himself again.
This afternoon, it was a satisfaction, and he hopes to have more of the same.